Insecure Man Stays at Home to Do Chores For Wife, Gets Annoyed at Being Called a House Husband

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Aug 11, 2023 7:00 PM EDT

Housework is one of those things that can make or break a marriage. While there are criticisms to be made about having one breadwinner and one person focused on the domestics, it can make the division of labor a lot easier. Usually, we expect a woman in a straight partnership to stay at home, but that doesn't have to be the case. An increasing number of men are undertaking that role as well. 

One of these is a particularly petty Redditor, who was chastised recently after complaining about his wife spelling out their living arrangements to family and friends. His partner has a job with long hours that pays the bills, and he has does all the duties of keeping house.

Because of this, his wife has begun to refer to him as a "house husband". After he packed up doing chores in protest of this label, he took to r/AmITheAsshole to ask if he was in the wrong. It's fair to say he might not have received the answer he wanted to. 

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  • 01
    Human body - r/AmltheAsshole u/Top Teaching_7287 • 20h AITA for refusing to keep doing chores for my wife?
    via Top_Teaching_7287
  • 02
    Font - I (28m) and have been married to my wife "Bella" (28f) for 5 years. We both met and went to the same college. She pre-law while I was doing animation. She graduated top of our class and went to a T20 law school. While she was in law school, I had a lot of trouble finding a job in my field or a job at all, really. I ended up working in a kitchen as a line cook to help support us (in addition to loans she took out) while she was going to school so she could just focus on her classes.
    via Too_Teaching_7287
  • 03
    Font - Bella got a very good job in a different state after she graduated, so I quit my job and haven't gotten another one since. We have no kids, a nice house for the two of us, and are overall living very very comfortably. She works very long hours, so I take care of most of the household things. Cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, re-painting the walls and doing other work and renovations to the house.
    via Too_Teaching_7287
  • 04
    Font - In the last 6 months Bella's started referring to me as her "house husband" around our family and friends. I've mostly been letting it go but every single time it bothers me. I'm already insecure about not being able to find a good job and it makes me feel even more inadequate. I finally got to the end of my rope when we were with her mother on Sunday, who still doesn't really approve of me, and they were talking about taking care of the lawn/garden and she said, "Thank goodness I have a
    via Too_Teaching_7287
  • 05
    Font - Bella refuses to apologize. I feel like she doesn't fully appreciate my value as her husband. I've stopped doing the chores until she apologizes and she is beyond pissed off. She's been coming home and cooking dinner (only for herself) and doing the chores I haven't and then taking off to spend the night at a friends house. I was talking to my sister about it and she told me that Bella was wrong but I was being immature in my response. The thing is, if I give in she's going to keep thinki
    via Too_Teaching_7287
  • 06
    Font - RogueDIL 20h Asshole Aficionado [16] 4 34.3k ↓ Darling, you are a house husband. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Or being a house wife. Why do you believe that it is a put down or emasculating? It's an equal contribution to your family and household. It holds value. It permits your wife to work longer hours at her job, without trying to also maintain the household. If your truly unhappy in that role- do something about it. Look for work in your chosen field or look into going
    via RogueDIL
  • 07
    Font - 00 br0colii 18h 22.7k ↓ Nah. As a house wife myself, I'd be so annoyed if my husband said he has a housewife to take care of stuff. If it was "I'm so glad (my name) takes care of all of that!" it would be fine. But to reduce your spouse to just their position, rather than a person is demeaning. ... EVOSexyBeast 18h I agree with you, though i do think OP abandoning his position as a house husband to manipulate an apology is what makes him TA, not being upset about it. It's an immature way
    via br0co1il
  • 08
    Font - cb1977007 20h Partassipant [1] 47.5k ↓ CUK But... you literally are a house husband. If this were the other way around, surely you agree that she would be a house wife in these circumstances? It's also not saying you don't contribute. It's pointing out HOW MUCH you contribute. She is literally saying she couldn't keep up without you. That's giving you credit. And also.... It just is a fact. It may be temporary (or not, idk) but at this time, she is a bread winner and you are a house husba
    via cb1977007
  • 09
    Font - Cocoasneeze 20h Professor Emeritass [99] 4.9k INFO: How is being called a "house husband" emasculating? Housewife has been used forever and it's not a degrading term. dgibbons0 18h 43.8k Because he sees the labor typically provided by women to be worth less than the labor provided by men. It's just toxic masculinity and misogyny. ...
    via Cocoasneeze
  • 10
    Font - YTA Pretend-Tie 19h 43.7k ↓ Being a housewife isn't demeaning and it's a thankless, important job for a household. Women understand that and that's why the term house husband isn't offensive to them. It is a tough job women have done thanklessly for men for generations. To have a man reverse those roles shows he understands it's value, and that's why the women in your life are laughing and talking about it. A man willing to be a house husband is usually considered a catch in a world full
    via Pretend-Tie
  • 11
    Font - I think you need to reevaluate why you think being a house husband is emasculating or devalues your work. You must think that it makes you "lesser", but why? Why is being a housewife so shameful? Do you think less of the women who do that job? So many women have given up everything, their careers, financial freedom, and lives to fulfill this role. Why is it okay for them to make that sacrifice but shameful for you? You ARE a house husband. Get over it and think about what that means inste
    via Pretend-Tie
  • 12
    Font - RandomGuy_81 20h Asshole Aficionado [12] Sounds like you have a plan 43.4k She will work and come home and cook for herself. And do the chores important to her And you will....sit home and do nothing except make meals for yourself? Good plan. She'll eventually wonder why she is pulling all the weight and thatd teach her. She should find someone else that helps out around the house
    via RandomGuy_81
  • 13
    Font - Zealousideal-Ad6358 20h Partassipant [3] 1.7k ↓ Sounds like she was using "house husband" in a rather complimentary way to me - she's probably sick of defending the progressive roles you've taken on & approached it w/ family as a light-hearted way of deflecting from others' (antiquated) judgements. If that's the arrangement you've both made & are happy with it, it's nobody else's business & I'd be inclined to joke it away w/ narrow-minded, old school family members as well. ...
    via Zealousideal-Ad6358
  • 14
    Font - That being said...you wouldn't be so defensive about this if you weren't feeling some type of way about the arrangement already. And if that's true, get a job. Any job. You "stooped" to being a line cook once, you can do it again. Restaurants are always hiring back of house. It's not like y'all have small children & made this decision for SAH parent reasons. Nothing is keeping you from leaving the house. Don't take your insecurities out on her by pulling a full-on stand off about this, or
    via Zealousideal-Ad3658
  • 15
    Font - reenaltransplant 19h Certified Proctologist [23] Gentle YTA. 4 1.6k ↓ You took "house husband" as demeaning because you look down upon house wives. If you saw the term "housewife" as having the connotation of huge contributions it should, you'd be proud to be called a house husband.
    via reenaltransplant
  • 16
    Font - YTA Ohcrumbcakes 19h Asshole Enthusiast [5] ... 41.1k First off, it's the correct term. What would you prefer to be said regarding the work you do? That you're an unemployed mooch? A sugar baby? A house husband is the accurate term to describe your work and contribution to your family. It isn't emasculating. What's the alternative? Your wife clearly appreciated what you do and recognizes that the home wouldn't be nearly as good without your work.
    via Ohcrumbcakes

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aita marriage job housework house work wife relationships husband redditor chores argument Reddit law
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